[Editor’s Note: With another NFL season about to get underway, this seems like a good time to revisit one of my favorite editions of Resolution Strategies. First published in November 2017 and republished in February 2020, its lesson — though inspired by a controversy that began on a football field — has universal application.]
In 2016, the country became embroiled in debate, on social media and elsewhere, over a hugely divisive issue — whether Colin Kaepernick and other NFL players showed disrespect for the flag, the military, and the country by “taking a knee” during the National Anthem.
Whatever your position may be, there is a back story about the relationship between Kaepernick and Nate Boyer that too many people still have not heard.
On August 30, 2016, after Kaepernick sat quietly on the bench during the National Anthem for a third consecutive preseason game, Boyer — a former Army Green Beret who was signed briefly as a free agent in 2015 by the Seattle Seahawks — penned an open letter to Kaepernick, which read, in part, as follows:
“The only time I got to stand on the sideline for the anthem was during my one and only NFL preseason game, against the Denver Broncos. As I ran out of the tunnel with the American flag I could feel myself swelling with pride, and as I stood on the sideline with my hand on my heart as the anthem began, that swelling burst into tears.
I thought about how far I’d come and the men I’d fought alongside who didn’t make it back. I thought about those overseas who were risking their lives at that very moment. I selfishly thought about what I had sacrificed to get to where I was, and while I knew I had little to no chance of making the Seahawks’ roster as a 34-year-old rookie, I was trying.
That moment meant so much more to me than even playing in the game did, and to be honest, if I had noticed my teammate sitting on the bench, it would have really hurt me.
I’m not judging you for standing up for what you believe in. It’s your inalienable right. What you are doing takes a lot of courage, and I’d be lying if I said I knew what it was like to walk around in your shoes. I’ve never had to deal with prejudice because of the color of my skin, and for me to say I can relate to what you’ve gone through is as ignorant as someone who’s never been in a combat zone telling me they understand what it’s like to go to war.
Even though my initial reaction to your protest was one of anger, I’m trying to listen to what you’re saying and why you’re doing it. When I told my mom about this article, she cautioned me that “the last thing our country needed right now is more hate.” As usual, she’s right.
There are already plenty people fighting fire with fire, and it’s just not helping anyone or anything. So I’m just going to keep listening, with an open mind.
I look forward to the day you’re inspired to once again stand during our national anthem. I’ll be standing right there next to you.”
After reading the letter, Kaepernick invited Boyer to get together, and the two talked for 90 minutes. During their talk, Boyer shared a text from a good friend, who was still in the Special Forces.
Profoundly impacted by the message, Kaepernick told Boyer he did not intend to show disrespect for the military. Together, Boyer and Kaepernick forged a compromise — rather than sitting silently on the bench, Kaepernick would “take a knee” next to his teammates during the playing of the National Anthem.
Why “take a knee?” As Boyer explains in this clip from Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel, “soldiers take a knee in front of a fallen brother’s grave . . . to show respect.” (Emphasis added)
And, as noted in other interviews, Boyer also reminded Kaepernick that people kneel to pray.
In response, Kaepernick is quoted as saying: “I think that would be really powerful.”
Although Boyer’s knee-jerk reaction was anger toward Kaepernick, he chose instead to reach out. And to Kaepernick’s credit, he reacted by asking to meet with Boyer. When they met, each listened and heard the other’s concerns. With empathy for each other’s position, they found common ground — a way to draw attention to social injustice without disrespecting the flag, the military, or the country.
Sadly, that wasn’t the way many interpreted it.
Whether you side with NFL players who “take a knee,” or support those who consider them “jerks,” there’s a lesson to be learned from the way Nate Boyer and Colin Kaepernick dealt with conflict. They spent more time listening and less time reacting — finding a solution they could both accept.
As always, I would be pleased to assist you and your clients in the dispute resolution process. Please don’t hesitate to contact me if I can be of service.
Best regards,
Floyd J. Siegal